In the end It brought Me to You

  I was thinking about how do we learn to let someone in? We have all loved and lost and we know how deep the pain can go and why try again?  I am sure we have all had these thoughts and have at one time or another made excuses on why we choose to not let someone in. I have struggled with this for sometime, and many times I was trying to find love, because we all just want to be loved by someone, to feel needed by someone else. 


I had to first, learn to love myself and let go of the hurts and pains from the past because I can't move forward if I keep looking in the past. This was the hardest lesson for me to learn because so many memories from the past I would hold onto and ask questions why? I was living in the past and life was still moving forward.....but I was stuck not realizing that I wasn't living my life. I was literally stuck in the past, and I felt broken like I had nothing more to give, I had given my all to someone and they had hurt me but I was still holding onto the past.


 I started living again.....It was a year ago that I got reconnected with my friend Jay, and we would spend countless hours on the phone, laughing about the good ole times and just building our friendship. Every day was a new adventure, I learned so much about him daily and we always had plenty to talk about , we both shared our life stories with one another the good and the bad that we have been through. 


Many months had passed and our friendship was growing day by day, and I started to just pray about Jay and I, the relationship we had that if it was to grow into something more that some how it would. He is someone I could be myself with, the real "me", each day we shared I cherished, not only was he a great friend, I was starting to have feelings for him.

In the end all the hurt, and pain was worth it, because it brought me to you .Our friendship has grown into the most amazing relationship I have ever been in. I have the one who I can share all my hopes and dreams with, the one who is always by my side even though we are miles apart. I can honestly say for the first time in my life I am truly happy and content. He's an amazing man and I am so blessed to have him in my life, I look forward to the many memories we will share. Only time will tell where this will bring us  but I know that there is no other place I would rather be than with him. 


Thank you Jay for being the amazing person you are and know that you have my heart. Who would of known that we would be together, but through it all we were brought together and I couldn't ask for more.

This is my favorite poem and It is dedicated to my sweetheart Jay Rodriguez

i carry your heart with me 

by E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet) i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)